Monday, August 4, 2008

I'm feeling down

So I'm kinda bummed today. I found a surrogate website, and just spent some time reading it, looking around, trying to gather info. And I came across someone who mentioned that some insurance companies have exclusions for surrogacy. So I pulled up my insurance info on their website, and sure enough, surrogacy is excluded. So, I called up my insurance company to find out info, to see if everything was excluded about it. Because some people were saying that it might be excluded from being on, or from using one ...

Everything is excluded. So if I was to be a surrogate for my sister, I couldn't use my insurance for my maternity coverage. So I think we would have to purchase the insurance to cover this, and who knows how much that would be! We paid out of pocket for our IVF, but my company just added IF benefits, 10K lifetime. Not great, but it's something. DH and I talked about it, and we were willing to use it for this surrogacy, but now I'm not sure if I can do that either.

I hate this. I'm so angry. It's not like my sister has $50,000 lying around to pay for me to go through this, and then to pay for my medical benefits. I'm so ANGRY. I'm so mad that this stupid cancer is going to make it impossible to have a biological child. She might have to freeze her embies, and wait 5 years to have her own child ... and who even knows if it will happen then.

I know that she can adopt, and I think adoption is a wonderful way to build your family, but I'm still mad. I'm mad that I am here and willing to carry for her, and god damn money is the one thing standing in our way. How much is this poor girl going to have to go through??

My sister had Lasik eye surgery ... she was in the 1% or some ridiculously small percentage that develops something call Keratoconus, which basically is a weakened cornea. My DH's father actually had this, and he had to have cornea transplants in both eyes. So, her vision has gotten so screwed up, but she can't wear contacts to fix it, and she can't wear glasses to fix it. So, she can't drive at night anymore and she doesn't do things like go the movies or go to the theater because her vision is not good. She is in the process of working with a lawyer to sue her doctor because she should never have been a candidate for Lasik, and the doctor didn't do the due diligence testing to discover this. So great, she can't see.

Then she is going through IVF, with loss after loss after loss. Now the cancer. Do you see why I'm angry? I just want ONE thing to fall on the right side of the coin for her. My heart breaks every single day when she comes to my house and hugs my kids, loves on them, covers them with kisses and just lets them how much she loves them. She would be an AMAZING mom. And I'm beyond pissed that her journey is this hard.

This might be a good segway into my "I am an atheist and please don't tell me that God has a plan" post.

Until then,
Caba

4 comments:

Aimee said...

{{{{hugs}}}}} I know it really sucks. All my fertility costs were ot of pocket and it is really a huge financial risk to take for me. Your sister sure is going through a lot and it hurts to have another added stressor and something that would upset her all over again. I'm thinking positive thoughts and that things will start going her way very soon.

Topcat said...

Caba. I SEETHE when I read of the financial hardship my American sisters have to bear to try and have a child through IVF. It is just not right.

Cancer is bullsh*t. I'm so sorry you and your sister have all of these hurdles. Some days will just suck. And some days you will feel the sun. I promise. xoxoxo

Carrie27 said...

I think it is total bs that insurance companies do not cover many IF procedures, including surrogacy. Isn't it enough that someone has to struggle to get a baby?

I hope that your sister starts seeing some positives in her life.

Karen said...

I'm so sorry that you're having to deal with this and that this may make this all the more difficult. I hope you find a viable solution.