Woo Hoo!

I'm sorry I've been a slacker. There hasn't been much to say, and I've been kind of staying away from the computer. I read everyone else's blogs, but I just don't feel like posting.

But we have some good news!! My sister had her lumpectomy today, and they tested her lymph nodes, and the cancer has not spread! I am so happy I cried with relief when my mom called me. It was just worrying us so much, and her luck as been SO shitty, that I just was so worried it wouldn't turn out to be good. So this is good.

She still has to go through radiation. And maybe chemo, depending on the size of the cancer, but just knowing it didn't spread is such a relief.

On the surrogacy front, I finally got all my paperwork in order. My OB was supposed to pull all my OB, L&D and C-section reports together for me. I faxed in the request like two weeks ago. I finally called them this week to see what was up, since I hadn't heard from them, and they didn't have my request. So annoying! So I did what I had to. I lied. I told them that I have a doctors appt on Wednesday, and I NEED these records. Thankfully it lit a fire under their butts, and they faxed all my stuff over to my RE right on the spot. So I'm going to drop off all the paperwork I had to fill out tomorrow. I'm so anxious to get this how on the road.

That being said, I'm getting slightly stressed. I'm already putting a lot of pressure on myself. I want this to work SO BAD. I want to give my sister something to keep her going while she battles through this stupid cancer. I want to be pregnant, and be able to give her this amazing gift, this beacon of light to help her get through this. I'm going to feel like crap if it doesn't work. And I KNOW how often it doesn't work! I think maybe I was just spoiled, because my first IVF worked. Two in, 8 months later, two out. I want that again, but not for me. For her. So my DH keeps telling me to please realize that I can't MAKE it happen. We can only do the best we can, follow the procedures, and hope for the best.

I know he's right. But I know that I'm still going to be feeling the pressure. And I want to add, this a pressure I alone am putting on myself. My sister has said to me that she knows this whole thing is a crap shoot, and there are no guarantees. But damn, I want to give her one.

Caba